Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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