The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
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She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
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What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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