Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
and she was petting her beer can
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
