you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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