dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
