porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
