It's Friday. Sex?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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