Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
