If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
