I didn't shave. On purpose
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
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