Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I've blown a few things in my day
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
