Grow some girl-balls and come out already
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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