i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
