I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
