Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
