I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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