So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The struggles of a small town man whore
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
