I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
