i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
