Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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