i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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