I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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