First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
