It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
