Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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