Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
