She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
