All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
my poor anus
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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