i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
