Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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