you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
