You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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