we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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