I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
