She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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