I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
