the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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