I can text with my tongue
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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