so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
