Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
