Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
