Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
foreskin is a definite game changer
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
