i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
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She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
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We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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