At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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