i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
