How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
