Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
