I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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