He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
