I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
