My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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