i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
