Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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