Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
