and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
