well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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