What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
