That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize