those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
