if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
