My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
