the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
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