Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
